Don't Be Afraid of Resolutions!

 

 January 1, 2012 is the RESET BUTTON... you can reflect on what worked , what didn't, what you want more of and what you want less off..  As I spend more and more time reflecting on my personal and professional observations of Motherhood in North America I just want to see my self and other moms have more peace, more equality more room to honor our humanity . I want to see the expectations of mothers be honored and ultimately see some stuff shift .

TOP 12 things every mom should do to have more peace in her life for 2012

1. Say No -  At the very least don't say yes right away. Think about what you can really commit too without compromising your emotional ,physical health.
   
   
2. Practice Meditation- The most successful people with crazy lives do this to get engaged with themselves at the deepest level and manage stress.
   
   
3. Workout everyday...even 20 minutes
   
   
4. Set Goals for a more peaceful existence  Eg. have a calm media free room in a house, walk with nature weekly, nurture a hobby that is not about the pursuit of anything but inner peace.
   
   
5. Do at least one thing every day that gives you joy. (My favorite is dancing with my kids in the living room. I need to do it more! )
   
   
6. Listen to peaceful music with your children daily.  Our night time routine now includes serenity music, warms baths and candles. I can absolutely tell you it make a HUGE difference in a peaceful bedtime.
   
   
7. Be honest with your children about your humanity.  As my boys grow older I love to share with them who I am, and why I am. I am not interested in them seeing me as a superhero who falls on my face every now and again. Rather I want them to see my commitment to growing and changing and doing better with each life lesson.
8. Embrace people who truly support you and set clear boundaries with those who don't.   This is a tough one. It is not about them bad...you good. Different types of flowers survive in different climates. For you to grow and be your best you need to create the climate that promotes this.  You cannot please everyone and even trying too is silly.
   
   
9. Listen to yourself. I mean really listen. Does what your doing ,saying , experiencing uplift you?
   
   
10. Tackle something in your life that eats away at you causeing you silent stress.  What are you avoiding? Try hard to give yourself the freedom that comes with facing your fears.
    
    
11. Create and honor community as a more peaceful way of living. Help and be helpful and create and nurture relationships with people who are on this journey. It will create ease in your life. Support is magical.
    
    
    
    
12. Incorperate early to bed , early to rise for you and your children.  It shifts your whole family focus to health and balance. 
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    

    

    December 2005

    Xo Andrea and three bears.
    
    

    

    November 2011

    
    
    
    
    
    

The Path Less Chosen- Listen to yourself and embrace change

I really understand why people do whats expected of them rather than what is needed for them to grow and change.   Change is in fact one of the things we resist the most. Attempting massive change is like plunging into a sea of complete unknown, mixed with a lot of darkness and personal demons that may shock even you.    Great change often takes rattling everything you know about your safe and secure existence of " things the same".  Not only will it make you feel extremely uncomfortable at times, it will also make many people around you uncomfortable. Your vulnerability and raw exposure may send them running.  Let them go. This is all a part of change.  The saying you can only change yourself is two fold. True that you cannot change others and also true that when you change many people will not endure the change or the transition with you. This could be for various reasons.   Could be their own resistance to change or just an discomfort with your state in transition.  Transition and change can be less than pretty- again hardly a wonder  why people avoid it like a plague.  It is also not a switch.  You don't wake up one day and say today I am going to change things and poof your changed for the better.  You plant the seed of intention and than you nurture the change through risks and self reflection. Its a process in which most people go back and forth repeatedly from the comfort zone to the boundaries of change.   There is great freedom that comes along with listening to the voice inside your head that we often want to silence because of our fear of change. The voice that encourages us to avoid complacency, live life with courage, face the things we are afraid to face and spread our wings is there for a reason. Its there to free your spirit from self imposed limitations and inspire you to learn, love ,grow and live life to the fullest . When you deny that voice you deny who you truly are. My close friend recently asked me to remind her by asking her when I remember " have you been true to yourself today? "  We would all be served to ask that question daily. Think I might just write it on the bathroom mirror..

"Fixing Fitmom"

Its a well known fact that women especially moms have a hard time taking care of themselves.  Its also quite well known that health care professionals often get into a cycle of giving and neglecting the self.  In my case it has been a snowball effect of working through two pregnancy's with no maternity leave, running a demanding business and hanging on to a failing relationship for way too long.  You wake up one day and realize you have been juggling so many balls and working too hard to please everyone but yourself. So in an effort to practice what I preach I have committed the next year of life to putting my own health front and center.
I have come to terms with the fact trying to squeeze more in my already busting at the seams busy life will leave some people unhappy with me. Ce la vie!

Fixing Fitmom does not imply that I am broken but will get to the heart of taking my own health seriously and speak to the imbalance of lifestyle mothers face and hopefully provide solutions.

First stop " Thrive Family Wellness" with Dr. Jennifer Wise. While I did not choose her because of her last name she certainly fits the bill. Wisdom comes in many forms and compassion and kindness right up there.  Dr.Jennifer Wise is a doctor of chiropractic care and I have gone to her after hearing many great reviews from clients and people in the community. As well there is other practitioners in her office that may need to jump on project me.

It appears my stress level over the last years has taken its toll and the continuous training and one posterior delivery have caused some issues.  With a high pain tolerance post competitive training I realize I have picked up that bad habit of ignoring pain in my body.  Red light! 

My first appointment for which I was late (because of course I forgot I had the boys home that day for a P.D. day) was awesome and humbling. I was exhausted and not myself.  The health screen was an eye opener. 

Do you have any of the following? it states...
Tick, tick ,tick go the little square boxes. :( How sad that life gets so crazy that women especially mothers get neglected even when they know better.  I started to think crawling under the chair and ignoring the pain might be better but on I went.    Dr. Wise is this sweet kind woman whom although has no children herself seems to really get it.  Her presence has this beautiful touch that makes self care seem just that much more appealing.  I have to admit there was a moment where the vulnerable me wanted to fall in ball and just listen to her talk about how important my health is.

On the table she got to see how "twisted" I am literally.  A laundry list of serious injuries ,accidents and again the posterior birth half me a little off center. Poetic I say. Stay tuned for the next fixing FITMOM....

In health...(yours and mine )

Andrea

Getting Honest About Inequality and Stress

“Mommy’s Time Out”? “Mommy Juice”? Are you kidding me?
As a stay-at-home mom who is always happy to have a glass of wine after a long day with the kids, I find these branding names offensive. Do we really have to celebrate that mom gets 5 minutes to herself to have a drink?
I have a new wine name. How about, “Mom may or may not have a drink tonight because she has a supportive partner who happens to be doing the laundry because it’s his turn”?
Jodi Harker, Stouffville


The above quote coming from comments in an article from the Toronto Star called the Atkinson series on Women and Alcohol use.  Interestingly enough this has been coming up a lot lately amongst friends and clients. Why? Because women, especially mothers are not coping well and are turning to the newest trend in toxic stress management- alcohol. The expectations on women who are mothers are so intense and the inequalities are disgusting to be blunt. Women are predominantly still doing more than their share of the work load than their male partners in the home and now out as well.   Cue the men who say "but not all men shirk their share of the load"  This is true but hell no am I giving a badge of honor for that. The pursuit of equality hence humanity is everyone's responsibility!

Am I bitter? Less so now. You see while being single with three boys and working is a level of intensity I cannot even comprehend it is much easier than having the inequality slap me in the face everyday.  Being a nag and begging for my efforts to be matched is frankly a job I enjoyed quitting.  However when my back is against the wall and I am sick or need help in someway every now and again I fall into the trap of self-pity or maybe it just plain exhaustion.   I am reminded that my boys and I are in this alone and for all intensive purposes always have been and it feels awful when I am in need.  Sadly this is the case for many women.
A friend of mine said to me last week " you know Andrea, as women we must no longer accept this inequality. We end it by not accepting it."  In principle I get that . Life however is a series of choices and consequences and we unfortunately can only hold ourselves accountable,that is a start though.  My sticking point that I am sure a few thousand dollars of therapy will fix..... It honestly infuriates me that I continue to see men who are fathers heading to the gym daily, getting their beauty sleep, reading the paper,taking in the game, prioritizing there own lives and sanity over their responsibility to their children while the mothers pick up the slack. I wonder even more why the mothers,sisters and friends of these men don't take a stand against it.  The truth is I am not sure it will change unless men collectively decide it should change and while I know a handful of men doing the work required to make the shift it is but a drop in the bucket.   As a mother of three boys who will one day be men I see the challenges already in teaching compassion and equality. In fact almost every example I have for them amongst friends and family perpetuates exactly the inequality I speak of in some degree or another. Its like society is complacent.  Were fine with women carrying the load.
Rewind to women and toxic stress management.  Perhaps women are not fine with it. Perhaps its time to aggressively tackle the core issue.  In my case I started with myself.  Its about taking responsibility for what I am willing to accept and not accept.  Its about determining my worth . If I don't take a stand for me I certainly can't expect anyone else too.

The Bystander Effect

A blog post before I blow up and bust about a bellowing theme lately. 
"The Bystander Effect" a term coined by an article I read about the women who was murdered in a Lulu Lemon store while two Apple employees next door are said to have ignored the crys for help . 
There is also the little girl in China who was run over numerous times and left for people to virtually ignore her. I have found it curious the way people react.   Today I posted on my face book  " Judgement is the act of fooling ones self into thinking their superior"  and sadley we all do it in someway along the continuum.   Yeah me too ....

These glaring high profile events in the news become convenient distractions from our own "bystander effect" behaviour. The extreme cases allow us to look out at the world and says "Wow, those people there are so bad so I must not be"

A close friend of mine was in a coffee shop in her neighborhood with her husband and two kids recently. Her oldest son is special needs and although an older child (not an infant) requires more assistance in many areas.   While alone with him (her husband and other child ordering and separated by a crowd ) her oldest began to choke.  7 years old in a stroller due to his needs she had to unbuckle him and lift his limp body to perform the Heimlich maneuver.  She is a very small woman and this was extremely difficult and obvious. In this packed coffee shop, not one person offered help. Not one. In fact a few made comments and some seemed to glare with annoyance from the disruption it caused.

I personally will never forget tripping 7 months pregnant while running to a class for my 4 year old.  We both went down. Me- stomach first, him teeth to the ground blood everywhere. I literally watched a man in mid town Toronto cross the street as he made eye contact with me to avoid the inconvenience I had placed in his path. Numerous other people walked by- I kid you not!

We all have heard stories like this.  We have also all participated in the "bystander effect " somewhere on the continuum.    If you see someone struggling in any area of life and you not only don't assist (because sometimes you truly may not have the capacity ) it is than you are participating in the bystander effect.

I have made an new rule for myself. Anytime I am awakened by the stories that outrage me I will let them serve as a reminder to stop and look at my circle and my world. The place  I can change.  Its about being more awake to the world that you lay eyes on.  Getting out of the self serving hustle that we have been conditioned to pursue. Slow down to speed up , I say.

Have a great week :)
Andrea


     




   

Pump up the volume

Pumping up the volume on your life especially if you are coming out of a dark time is sometimes the kick in the ass one must give themselves.  I am no stranger to kick starting my heart and mind but I will admit that sometimes hills seem very steep.  Being "In the valley" a term coined by one of my favorite authors Iyanla Vanzant can get comfortable especially if the hill looks too steep. A negative pattern of "being stuck" can catch even the most courageous people off guard.  

I have recently been unsticking some stuff and thanks to some extremely positive people some inner knowledge I had buried came to light.

What did I do?  I remembered who I am and what I have done in the past and started doing it again.

Turn down the noise.
There comes a time where you have to tune out the noise to pump up the volume.  When your in a valley you certainly do not need people who are in a negative place themselves in your space.  The truth is your probably not good for them either. So its not about judgement its about seeking strength and positivity, or filling up your own cup if you will.  Nuture your vulnerability by surrounding yourself with people who have arrived and weathered the storm. A cheering section of strong loving people who will feed you with positivity and focus on your strength.

Stop getting hooked! (I say this knowing I have a great deal of work to do here )  There is always someone close to you who loves to remind you of what you do wrong. Simply put - SHUT THEM OUT!  First off their need to focus on what you are not doing right has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them.  It has nothing to do with them loving you but more the ability to loves ones self.  We all know what we project onto others is really how we feel about ourselves so instead of getting hooked take loving space that says to them and you- were both worth more.

Take a stand for you. If your not going to no one else really can. So even if you fall 99 times a day. Get up again.


Babysteps.  Pick a thing a day to take care of yourself better.  For me this week it was 5 am wake up and workout.  That may be too much for some to chew off , but anytime I have been in the valley it was this and only this that helped me spread my wings again!

Gratitude - When your drowning in stressful events or life changes it is so easy to forget what is good.  Do whatever it takes to focus on the good.  Signs, alarm reminders, window writers.  Slow down to speed up by just taking the time to acknowledge all the good in your life. Ignoring the good is a one way ticket to self pity. You change it on a dime once you remember this.


Time Out - The excitement of change can rev you up. My number one mistake in the past is going, going , going.  If you don't take time out you will burn out .  I have MAJOR issues with this and therefore have had many burn outs over the years that have hurt me and the people I love.  Be still, sleep all day once a month,  take a warm bath and yes meditate. Meditation is part of many highly successful peoples lives and for good reason.  It works.

Hope you enjoyed my Monday share and you have a beautiful week everyone.

xo
Andrea

Fresh Starts...

It seems quite poetic that I will start a fresh new blog today. Tonight at 440 I will be on BNN (Business Network News) Sharing an honest account of the ups and downs of business, family life and the reality behind work life balance.  After moving across the country and back ( a failed attempt to save my relationship ) I am reclaiming my sense of self and vision for life , family and business.  That's right.  A blessed new beginning where I am in the drivers seat.   It about taking full responsibility for where you are, how you got here and where you are going. NOTE: You WILL piss some people off.  Pulling back from a world where you did too much for too many people at the expense of yourself is a delicate dance of undoing self deception. Guess what ? I have failed the Superwoman title and I am relieved and proud. Why? Simply put it sucks.    Its in this moment as I take steps back again so I can move forward with clarity and improved wisdom.


What I will be sharing....

Tips , stories and personal experiences (Success and failures ) on

Fitness
Parenting
Business
Relationships
and Life

At the heart of it. How I, the people in my world  and maybe you can have a more peaceful everything.  The starting point is honestly sharing our stories...not just the good, but the bad and the ugly.  Learning is a collective experience .

xo and Welcome